New Website, Debut Novel, and the Loneliness of Creating

For so long, I hoped to one day say, ‘my novel comes out this year.’ And now I get to, because…

My debut novel comes out this year.

My YA fantasy novel The Space Between You and Me releases in print and ebook on November 14th with Amazon and other major retailers. You can preorder the ebook now!

Here’s the cover made by real live cover designer Andrew Davis (no relation) who has designed covers of other books on real live best seller lists

So what’s my book about?

Well, it’s about magic, coming of age, family, and best friends finding love in a world that wants to tear them apart.

Since kissing his best friend and setting fire to their friendship, Apollo has been slumming it with the outliers of his magical community.

Jonah has determinedly not been thinking about his ex-best friend and the kiss they shared. But it’s impossible to forget said ex-best friend when he is also your Kindred.

Though their magic only stirs to life when they touch, Jonah and Apollo would be separated for the safety of the community if anyone found out they were Kindred.

When they uncover a plot targeting the orphaned members of their clan for experimentation, they must decide: Keep their secret and stay together or sacrifice their bond to save their clan?

It is my sincere hope that this magical book evokes best friend and first crush nostalgia against the backdrop of a neon-colored night, all tinged with the unsettling threat of an enemy that reminds you of how you felt watching Stranger Things for the first time.

Publishing this novel had been an idea marinating in my brain after a friend who read it asked if I wanted to write anything for a queer book box project she was working on. While out sick from work last year, I finally decided to take the plunge. Turns out having an additional eight hours free per day gives one time to think about all kinds of other facets of one’s life.

Given that the indie publishing track kind of goes hand-in-hand with building your own platform, I’ve decided to buy a domain after nearly two decades of supporting my writing habit with my day job. You can visit my website, and what will be my main home base, here. I will keep this old girl alive for now, but please bookmark my new internet home. If you’re feeling extra bold, sign up for my newsletter; I give subscribers access to the first 99 pages of my upcoming novel.

After reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, I’ve been thinking a lot about art. About supporting my art rather than asking it to support me. So instead of going into this with the expectation that this book will sell enough to one day hit the NY Times Bestseller list and Jimmy Fallon might want to talk to me (Who am I kidding? I could NEVER go on a talk show. Instead of fantasizing about interviews or awards ceremonies, I fantasize about how I’m going to duck out of them Cormac McCarthy style), I will focus on building the biodome for my book to fly in and hopefully land with someone.

But the process of creation is weird. You make yourself completely vulnerable by putting an entire novel carved from your heart into a public space, all with the fervent hope that it resonates with someone else. When people refer to the loneliness of any creative art, I don’t think they’re talking about the actual creating; sure, you are alone, but one is rarely lonely in the company of stories and art. I think people are actually referring to the years spent honing your craft, performing the admin that sucks up all your time to be creative, continuously looking at the creation from every angle until you’re sick of looking at it and then, still, sharpening it further, being the sole proponent of your work, screaming on a hill and hoping someone hears you while you spiral in a fomo-hazed depression, eating bag after bag of Tapatio Doritos while watching other authors find success. That’s the lonely part.

I’m currently in the thick of that part, in case you haven’t gathered that. Here’s the call to action, ya’ll. Indie authors usually don’t have the backing that publishing houses can provide, so people spreading the word is the #1 way our work can find its way into the hands of readers. This has all been done out of my love of what I do (read: my own pocket), so here I am, just a girl, standing in front of you, asking you to love me (and link bombing you).

Interested in my book and ready to take action?

Preorder The Space Between You and Me

Add The Space Between You and Me to Goodreads

Sign up to be considered for an ARC of The Space Between You and Me

Need to know more first?

(I feel like this could double as a personality test…)

Check out my story board on Pinterest

Check out my novel’s playlist on Spotify

Check out my website

Follow me on Amazon

So there’s the haps. Thank you to everyone reading–new followers, old followers, random lurkers–for following me on this journey. I hope you will meet me at my next stop.

How Audiobooks Killed My Muse

Let me tell you a story.

Two days ago, I wouldn’t have uttered those words, let alone written them. I’d been too afraid to commit to telling any kind of tale; every idea that entered my head felt too fleeting, too flimsy.

After coming out of edits on two books over the last couple years, and writing a mere…

34,525 words to a new book during National Novel Writing Month, I felt like a shriveled husk of creativity. I’ve got my bag of excuses of course–kids, work, Netflix, life. However, behind the scenes, I have been filling every spare moment with reading. Paper books, ebooks, and audiobooks. Every moment my hands are busy but my brain is free, I found myself plugged into an audiobook (currently: Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune). This is because I have always felt that books provide knowledge and inspiration, the most important food groups for the writing kind. Thus, I find myself in an addictive relationship in which I feel if I can just read–well, everything, then I’ll be a better writer and a better human. I mean, yeah, it’s partially true, but at one point, you have to set the book down (and unplug the headphones) and live. Or in this case, daydream.

So after a veritable Mojave-like dryness of inspiration and drive, I happened to be washing dishes like a normie (i.e. no book being narrated directly into my earballs), and ideas for my November novel came pouring in. Are they genius ideas? No, just little snippets of scenes, glimpses at the characters’ minds, but this is the bread and butter of keeping a story alive in my imagination.

I realized I couldn’t expect to keep on filling every empty space with someone else’s words and have the work of daydreaming do itself. I was living in someone else’s final vision of the daydreaming into which they’d poured countless hours, days, months, maybe even years. I needed to give myself the breathing room to settle into the completely free-to-wander headspace I remember being able to call upon with ease as a child. Good old-fashioned staring into space fertilizes the ground to be struck with inspiration.

Next time I’m doing the dishes or checking the mail, I won’t take my phone with me, because I know now that my muse needs to run through empty fields.

Of course reading inspires, but do you think is it possible to read too much as a creative? What’s the first thing you change when the ideas stop coming?

Top 9 Books of 2021 & New Year Reading Goals

I measure my life in pages read. I remember reading Carry On while home with my newborn twins, reawakening my love for the chosen one’s tale that Harry Potter once ignited; I remember reading Catcher in the Rye during a rough time in high school and falling in love with a voice; I was in the midst of consuming Dracula as I was defending my graduate thesis.

Instead of measuring my life in pages read, this year I completely escaped into books to avoid all negativity. Which means 2021 had a lot of comfort rereads (8 total), but it was also packed with many great new reads. Given the majority of my ratings were 5 stars, I know I am getting better at pursuing the books I will love. And if I didn’t love it, I didn’t beat myself up about dropping it like a hot potato (In the House Upon the Dirt Between the Lake in the Woods and surprisingly, One Last Stop).

The first book of 2021 feels like a millennium ago. Just what the eff happened to this year? And The Year That Shall Not Be Named for that matter. Given this strange liminal space our world is in right now, it’s time for some romance recommendations.

So the first amazing romance read (arguably a romantic sci-fi) that blew me away was Winter’s Orbit by Everina Maxwell. I did a FULL post on this treasure of a reading experience here. Tl;dr: The world-building was flawlessly immersive and the political intrigue was deeply human and threaded so well into the love story. I keep this book pressed inside my trench coat and push it into anyone’s face who passes–not really, as I listened to it on audio, which I also highly recommend. If you submit your receipt for a purchase of the paperback to fan artist, graphic novelist, and author Vanessa Kelley prior to 1/31/22 you get her GORGEOUS fanart *drools*

This takes me right into The Darkness Outside Of Us because Winter’s Orbit gave me a fever, and the only prescription was more m/m space opera (props if you get that Walken reference). The Darkness Outside of Us was a little more intimate and psychological and a lot darker, but just as sweeping. I ADORED the audio narrator and compulsively spoke in Kodiak’s accent for at least two weeks to show my love and devotion to James Fouhey. Because, you know, I do my part to support the arts.

MOAR romance:

Cochrun’s romantic comedy was the very definition of what you’re looking for when you bust out your finest rosé (or Belgian white, we don’t judge here) and you have the next 48 hours responsibility-free. This sweet book had the added bonus of being very relevant to our does-art-imitate-life-or-life-imitate-reality-tv world. It also handled mental illness with so much grace and empathy. I was utterly besotted with this love story.

This graphic novel was like a warm blueberry scone with bright notes of lemon zest in the trash fire continuation of the 2020-2021 period. It was sweet, inventive, heartfelt, and hilarious. I adored every second of it, even the hockey scenes to which I was completely ignorant. I have no IDEA how on this green earth Ukazu kept all of this in her head–the art, the storyline, the sports and college aspect. Just wow. To top it off, I just realized that one of my favorite author’s wrote the blurb, so yep. I was bound to love it.

This book was a time capsule. It transported the all-consuming experience of reading fantasy as a teen to me as a grown ass adult. It has the YA capital EFF Feels, the main character that ages as the story progresses (sometimes referred to as a bildungsroman–one of my favorite structures!), a bad ass gender-subversive elfin heroine (I mean, if you aren’t already walking out your door and heading to your local bookstore or library after reading that, then I don’t know what else I can say), and an engaging, richly crafted world.

Can you even with that cover?! Nope. No, you can’t.

I loved this novel so much. It flirted with every gothic romance that has thorned its way into my barren chest cavity while simultaneously delivering a fresh, modern take on the horror genre. I am all about mood and atmosphere and Moreno-Garcia delivered both by the haunted estate-load.

Okay, it’s becoming apparent that I absolutely do judge books and their potential to light all my happy centers in my brain by their covers. But hey, hasn’t let me down thus far

Look, I think all you need to know about this one is that it inspired me to write an embarrassing gushing fan letter. Could you just go ahead and burn that, Lee? Thaaaaanks….

In all honesty, I fell so deep into this narrative, I had no idea when I might ever come out and nor did I care. It was beautifully done, grief-felt, stomach-swoopingly surprising, and gasoline charged. And I would do it all over again.

This candy-coated contemporary gem held me in a chokehold for over a month. Another bildungsroman, this novel is exactly the kind of novel you read and wish you had thought of and had the barest talent to execute. I, I mean. I wish I had thought of it and had a sliver of Boyne’s talent with which to execute even a facsimile. Dios mio, I needed a stiff drink and an actual hug from someone who wasn’t simultaneously stabbing me with a salad fork in the back after (and while) reading this. Seriously though, will read again when my inward bleeding resolves.

You only come across a talent like Khorram’s–so like a finely crafted arrow with which to pierce what you thought was your dead heart–once in a lifetime. That arrow is his ability to resurrect the angst, fears, and hopes of my teenage years. Every YA author should aspire to this greatness; we plebs could all only hope to be so wise and timeless in our harrowing tales of youth.

Honorable Mentions

+A Man Called Ove (contemporary) by Fredrik Backman

+Any and all Emily Henry (all hail the queen of rom com). Fight me. I laughed so hard reading a part from People We Meet on Vacation to my spouse I legit almost died.

+The Witch Elm (mystery) by Tana French

So yeah…next time someone asks what kind of books I like to read and I’m like ‘everything’ and they’re like *suspicious face* I will just refer them to this list.

New Year Reading Goals

You may be asking what I could possibly hope to improve upon in the upcoming year after these phenomenal 2021 reads. I gotta say, I’m pretty happy with my 50 book goal. It’s nice meeting my Goodreads goal while being completely doable with my other obligations like reading copious fanfic and binging Star Trek Discovery. But truly, I hope to be a bit more creatively productive in 2022 than I was this year, so 50 is a comfortable standard with which to hold myself.

Something that is becoming increasingly important to me is reading widely as a writer studying craft, yes, but even more than that, reading for enjoyment. If I am not enjoying a book, I will have zero qualms about dropping it.

What are your 2022 reading goals? Do you hope to read more than you got to this year? Or are you focusing more on quality than quantity?

2017 in Review; 2018 Goals

I have a problem with negativity. Not in my life, but in my mind. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. Fortunately,  these posts forcing me to acknowledge my accomplishments and give myself goals to be more mindful help me to exorcise a little bit of that pessimism. So thank you for being a reader and for any comment-love you’ve given. Know that I appreciate you.

So here is what my 2017 looked like and what I hope for 2018.

2017 Achievements

• I read 47 books of my goal of 30 (next post tallies my 2017 favorite reads), plus a TON of fanfic. Like, you have no idea. In retrospect, I might need a support group.
• I submitted short stories 6 times and poetry 5 times, and I got 2 encouraging rejections back on one of my poems!
• I finished my LGTBQ urban fantasy, The Space Between You and Me. 
• Finished a 2nd draft of TSBY&M (I missed it, okay?!)
• Between November 1st and December 31st I returned to my gothic WIP, Wrathmoor, that I had begun back in 2013 and stalled out on, and I wrote 8 chapters, totaling 52,780 new words written for the year (while listening to The Village soundtrack approximately 48 times).
• I set up one bookshelf in my office, after a year and a half of living at my new place! And it’s pretty damn fine, just sayin’

• I revamped and resurrected my Instagram to focus on one of my favorite things in the world: books!
• Attended a Maggie Stiefvater signing that was just *kisses fingers*
• I went on a writing retreat with my bestie
• Alongside my husband, successfully grew two babies into mini-humans who talk, sing, throw tantrums, and celebrate the general chaos of life in high Dionysian fashion

My goals for 2018:

• Read 40 books. Follow me on Goodreads to see how I’m doing
• Finish my office (maybe get on Annie Neugebauer’s The Decorative Writer, cause I’m a goal-oriented nerd like that)
• Publish a poem, short story, or article. If I achieve this in 2018, I am allowing myself to buy a domain for my website, so simple domain name and no more ads! (Apologies for any assault upon your person those ads may have wrought)
• Finish 3rd draft of The Space Between You and Me, polish a blurb and synopsis, and begin the submission process
• Finish 1st draft of Wrathmoor
• Brainstorm for what will be my 8th novel, The Rosen Tales; and Other Points of Contention, a contemporary/literary mystery with sparks of fantasy shot through. Comparable titles are Byatt’s Possession and The Madwoman Upstairs. Though this idea is probably entirely out of my depth, I am really looking forward to it.

Some less specific goals:

• Write at least once a week.
• Reflect often on the positive things in my life
• Embrace, appreciate, and love my life, because it’s mine and no one else’s. This goes hand-in-hand with not comparing myself or my work or my life to others’.  Everyone’s got their own things, and yeah, it’s cool I can kill cacti (yeah, multiple) with almost no effort at all and play the opening of Malaguñea on guitar and nothing else. I’m gonna own it.
• Take adventures. I often idly wish I could travel, but I’ve decided I am going to be a bit more spontaneous about this desire and just get out there and do stuff. Our little town has quite a few places for good close-to-home adventure. I’ll be sure to post pics or my super eloquent philosophications on them (Not).

So there are my goals for this big and wonderful year. I hope you are feeling refreshed by the new start as well. What are your resolutions, goals, or intentions for 2018? Inspire me in the comments.

6 Reads of Unexpected Horror

My sisters and I used to have an ongoing competition to see who could scare the other two the most by jumping out at them. I never begrudged them whenever they would win, because it meant that I had been scared. That game was how I got my original horror kicks.

Nowadays, I’m a little less spastic (not really, I keep the legacy alive with my husband and daughters) and far more cultured about my love of horror. I love horror in art, horror movies, and of course reading horror. While movies spoon feed it all to you, seeing and reading it involve a little more on the part of the viewer/reader. Art requires you to create a story in your head, consciously or subconsciously, that makes it horror to you. You fill in the blanks the artist left behind. Whereas when reading it, you’re given the story and you make up the rest with the images dancing in your brain. It depends so heavily on the writer’s skill, their understanding of fear and fearlessness in employing that understanding.

Below, you will find a little reading list of horror in surprising places. Because what better time is there to scare yourself as we approach Halloween? None, I say.

Horror in Middle Grade (MG) Fiction

 

The Nest

It’s not that I think it isn’t possible for a children’s book to be scary. I started my avid reading career in Goosebumps, okay? But I became physically uncomfortable when reading this book, squirming throughout most of it. On the surface the premise might seem innocuous: A boy worries about his sick newborn brother and develops a complicated relationship with the wasps building the nest outside his bedroom window; I assure you, the novel is anything but. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever read. Extremely original and skin-crawlingly creepy.

Horror in Young Adult (YA) Fiction

My Best Friend’s Exorcism 

Yes, it’s shelved as horror.  But I have read plenty of horror novels I enjoyed but that didn’t scare me. You know what I mean? It’s hard to do.

In this post last Halloween, I recommended this book as quirky horror. And it was. But I have to be honest, there were a couple scenes in this 80s-centered novel that terrified me more than any Stephen King scenes.

Horror in YA fantasy

The Raven Boys

If you’ve been following me on Twitter or have read my most recent post, you know I’m obsessed with this series. On the real though? My body broke out in chills while reading The Raven Boys, and I had to stand up away from the book to pace while my husband politely listened to my hysterical string of curses. The horror was intense, and it’s not even marketed as horror! This author does atmosphere so well, so when she wants to scare the shit out of you, she’s pretty damn successful. Also, it doesn’t stop with this book. It’s strung throughout the series.

 

Uprooted

A note about horror in YA and MG: I would never recommend these books to anyone looking for “lite horror”. When I say unexpected horror, that’s exactly what I mean. These novels scared me, and I didn’t expect it. When reading this novel, I experienced utter physical discomfort and psychological…interruption.

Do not let that cover fool you. This novel was stunning, but it has an inky darkness made all the blacker beside the life and love it struggles to consume.

 

Horror in Poetry

Satan Says 

There were some lines, shit, entire poems in this collection that grabbed me by the throat and still haven’t let go (I reread the first poem in this collection for this blog, and it was even scarier because I unlocked a little more of its meaning). I’ve also talked about Sharon Olds here. Poetry is a perfect way to inject your Halloween with atmosphere. This article on Lit Reactor has more fantastic suggestions.

Horror in the Classics

Dracula

Now I knew going in that this novel is horror. I guess I just wasn’t expecting…well, horror. I feel like Hollywood has desensitized me with jump scares and Frankenstein creations of mismanaged lore and urban legend. But Dracula reminded me vampires can be scary, that they actually ARE monsters. Which makes sense, since Dracula is the OG of the vampire myhthos–as original as we’re getting in this post anyway, and most everything after are watered down reinterpretations.

Parts of this novel lured a visceral reaction from me. The narrative structure definitely makes it a work of psychological horror, which always sticks fast with me (House of Leaves, Bird Box, A Head Full of Ghosts).  The narrators’ heads, as they face down the monster, are our landscape and it’s just as rich as the physical landscape.

Have you read any of these novels, and were you at all surprised by the horror? Feel free to leave additional suggestions for books or poems that gave you unexpected chills.

I hope everyone has a safe, horror-filled Halloween, and at least one evening curled up with a blanket and a scary read in hand.